Friday Night Benches
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: A crisis moment involving Eli and Clare post their DTW break-up, a 'what-if' EClare scenario. ONE SHOT.


**Hi lovely readers, **

**Just a one-shot that was born out of me having a complete meltdown over Twitter and my good friend iloveeliandclare being the patient and reassuring Adam to my Eli panic moment after seeing that new promo. I definitely don't think this is what will happen on the show, just a 'what-if' scenario. So this story is dedicated to iloveeliandclare because it would have never been written without her, so thank you friend.**

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review. Also, the f-word is in here a few times, but I don't think that makes it M, so I'm going to keep it as a T, but if you'd find that objectionable, perhaps it's best you don't read it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

Eli Goldsworthy slipped on his black blazer and his shoes and put his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans but just before walking out the door to his house, he stumbled back into the kitchen, realizing that unlike the long lost days of his freedom where he could just hop into his car and essentially stay out as long as he wanted, he would now need to tell his mom and dad where he was going exactly and when he would be back. This bothered him a little, but not because he felt like Cece and Bullfrog were chaining him to his house, because as his therapy progress improved they allowed him to have a fair degree of freedom, but because it was just another reminder of how he had messed everything up. Eli's thoughts were racing about how it was _his _fault his mom cried every morning for two weeks straight, all alone in the kitchen when she thought Eli couldn't hear her as he gradually, but steadily cleaned out his room, and it was _his_ fault his dad would have to hold her every morning and tell Cece that they would be all right and that they would find a way to guide their son through this. It was _his_ fault Adam felt the need to call him almost every night, always making up an excuse about homework or a question about comic books, and it was _his_ fault that the play at school was such a mess. It was _always _his fault, he thought as he quietly entered the living room where his parents were watching a movie cuddled up on the couch together.

Cece moved a little out of Bullfrog's embrace as she saw Eli come in and she cheerfully said,

"Oh, baby boy, you decided to go to the dance after all?" and the smile on her face made Eli's heart break all over again, because he knew she'd be disappointed at his answer, and the smile would fade away. Eli hated that his actions had almost all but killed his mother's joyfulness and merry-heartedness; she was one of the sunniest and happiest people he had known, and his dad was one of the people that loved life and fun the most out of anyone he had ever met. Eli thought that his parents might have raised a weird kid, but they didn't deserve such a messed up one.

"No," he sadly admitted, and just as he had predicted he saw his mom's smile fall at once. "I'm just…just heading out to do some writing and grab a coffee. Need to finish the play," he shrugged.

"All right, son," he heard Bullfrog declare. "You're sure you don't want to go to the dance? That pretty girl that asked you about this morning sure seemed keen on you going," Bullfrog tried to encourage his son, having seen the girl's electric smile as she posed that question to Eli just the past morning when Bullfrog had taken pity on Eli and offered him a ride to school – Bullfrog knew it couldn't have been easy to walk around with that cast, but thankfully, Eli had just had it removed a few hours ago.

"She's just the actress in the play, dad, she was just being friendly," Eli tried to explain things from his perspective, "But dances are not my style. Especially after…." He trailed off absent mindedly, before he quickly recomposed himself, kicking himself mentally for having reminded his parents of that horrible night. He then rapidly continued, "Well, anyway, I, um, have a lot of work to do on the play, so I'd better get going," Eli stumbled, and he saw both of his parents give him a sad smile.

"Did you talk to Dr. Sadler about it, baby boy? About all this pressure of writing the play?" Cece gently asked, because she had noticed that her son had become even more closed off to the world around him ever since he got assigned that challenge. It broke Cece's heart that her Eli now only spent his time at home, in class, at his therapist's office, or working on the play. And she knew why that was, but asking about _her_ was something that she knew her son was not ready for. The one time she had tried, he had just stubbornly insisted that he had no feelings at all, which Cece knew couldn't be further from the truth. But she also recognized that her son had to find some way to cope, being in the same building as for the majority of every weekday, even sharing a class with her. The class that had once upon a time been his favourite, his mother remembered sadly, wondering why her teenage son had to be plagued with so much trauma and pain. What had he ever done to deserve this?

"Yeah, I did," Eli admitted. "She gave me those anxiety meds, said I should take an extra one on a particularly bad day," Eli confessed.

"And have you – needed to take one?" Bullfrog asked his son, wanting to be on top of things this time around.

"Not yet," Eli admitted, "But I can't even find them anymore, I think I left them in the auditorium at the last play rehearsal," he said, and he saw a worried look cross both of his parents faces so he quickly added, "Don't worry, I'll find them. If not, she can just write me a new prescription," and upon hearing him say that, Cece's eyes filled with tears as she softly breathed,

"Eli….what are you going?" she asked, panic invading her voice.

"What do you mean?" he asked at once.

"We're going to replace an anxiety and PTSD problem with an addiction one now?" she asked, and Eli's eyes flashed with understanding at once.

"What? No, mom, I swear – it's not like that, I honestly lost them, I'm not looking for a refill. You know I hate the stupid things anyway," he said, and the sincerity in his voice and the honesty in his eyes told Cece her son was being truthful.

"All right baby boy, all right. Just please, let your dad and I know if anything changes. We're here, Eli, no matter the time or what else might going on – _you _come first," she plainly told him, and she stepped forward to give him an embrace, feeling her son's body initially freeze up at the shock of being held like this by someone – it had been so long – but Eli eventually relaxed into the hug, holding on perhaps a little tighter than he would have three months ago. Cece wanted nothing more than to chase all of his fears away and be able to provide some form of stability for him, and she knew she would do everything in her power to do so.

"Where will you be?" she gently asked him, and Eli answered,

"Just going to get a coffee and sit with this script, try to get it figured out, not a lot of time left until the play – very little actually," telling Cece something she had already heard, and she knew Eli was being evasive on purpose, but she had resolved to be the mother she knew Eli needed right now, so she softly whispered,

"Call us if you need us to pick you up from…the bench, baby boy," and she saw Eli flinch when she admitted that she knew the destination that was the place her son spent every Friday night at, regardless of the weather.

"I will," was all Eli said in response, looking just a bit ashamed, and then he then heard Bullfrog's voice add,

"Son – be careful. It's dark and you're on foot now, it's different," instantly feeling guilty after reminding Eli of this fact – it was plain as day that Eli missed his independence and Bullfrog knew that he _really_ missed his car. He had been picking Eli up at school one time when he saw the curly-haired girl look as cheerful as ever and she walked right by them, holding onto the hand of a tall boy and jumping into his shiny red truck with many giggles. The sight had made Bullfrog understand everything at once, and while Eli had just pretended to not see anything, Bullfrog had made up his mind to put aside some money to help Eli with a new car; he knew Eli wanted to work this summer and he had realized this was because he wanted to be able to drive again.

Bullfrog never wanted Eli to buy a car for anything to do with Clare, but…seeing the look on his son's face as she got into that shiny red truck…Bullfrog understood at once that his son's self-esteem was at its weakest, and he was a fond believer of the fact that every boy needed a car. Eli had been doing well in his therapy and he was slowly working through all of the issues that had plagued him, and Bullfrog wanted to do something nice for his son as a reward. It had been so long since anyone had done something nice for Eli, Bullfrog sadly reflected, and it was _his_ job to do so – he was his father, of course. Anger coarsed through his veins when he thought of all the trauma Eli had been trying to deal with on his own, bottling up everything until a night of stress and confusion made it all explode into an event Bullfrog hoped his son could one day get over. But he knew that day would be a long time from now. Bullfrog blamed himself for being so busy chasing youth that he had never opened his eyes to see how fast his own son had been forced to grow up. All he wanted to do from now on was to take proper care of Eli.

He gave Eli a sad smirk as he watched him head out the door, and then he returned to the couch so he could give his wife the comfort the look in her eyes told him she needed right now.

"Shh, sweetheart. He'll be all right, he'll be all right. We'll all find a way out of this together," he gently whispered to her, running his fingers through her hair and tightly wrapping his arms around her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, you look so beautiful sweetheart," Clare heard her mom say as she took in her soft blue satin dress, white cardigan, perfectly bouncy curls, and delicately smoky eyes.

"I hope you have a lot of fun at the dance," Helen told her daughter as she came over and held out a gold necklace with a blue pendant to Clare, and after her daughter's shocked look that later turned to a smile, Helen wrapped the delicate piece of jewellery around her daughter's graceful neck and explained,

"Your father gave this to me on the day you were born, you know," and she saw Clare's eyes instantly get teary as she continued, "Oh sweetheart, it's all right. It's all right to be sad. But what your father and I had…it was a good thing, Clare. It was a good marriage that lasted a long time and produced two beautiful girls. There's no shame in that," she gently told her daughter and Clare slowly nodded in response, understanding her mom's point but…not really being able to handle talking about their divorce anymore. She had spent the last three months desperately searching for someone to talk to about these things; Alli would listen for a few minutes, but Clare knew that it was hard for her to imagine divorce, especially when Alli's mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Mo and Dave, and Jake…Jake's solution to everything had been making out, an activity which Clare had immediately reciprocated, as it really was her preferred way of coping when she had first met Jake; she couldn't blame him for accepting it as the norm rather rapidly. The girl shook her curls thoughtfully at the thought that should have been an early warning sign that something was wrong, desperately trying to chase away the memories of the one person who had comforted her so well in the past…she knew she needed comforting in this moment; kisses and touches she had received plenty of over the last three months, but comfort and love…that…that had been missing.

"Mommy?" Clare softly whispered, the word and tone in her voice making Helen feel like Clare was all of five years old again and Darcy had done something to upset her.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Helen asked as she turned around to face her and moved both of their bodies over from Clare's vanity mirror to her bed.

"I…just want to feel okay again," Clare softly admitted as she shyly looked up at her mother.

"Oh, sweetie," Helen softly exhaled as she embraced her daughter and assertively said, "You didn't do anything gravely wrong".

"Almost," Clare retorted at once.

"You stopped it before it got too far," Helen countered, knowing her daughter needed reassurance right now. When she had come in tear-stained last night, Helen had finally been able to get…everything out of Clare. From how she met Eli and his connection to the heart-breaking letter her daughter had presented her with to…the nature of her relationship with Jake and the events of last night that had rattled Clare so.

"I…initiated things with him, mom," Clare brought up again, but her mother only held her tighter as she said,

"Shh. Shh. It's okay, sweetheart. Girls do these kinds of things sometimes, when we're not thinking straight," Helen gently said, purposefully staying away from the use of the word 'mistake'.

She heard her daughter whimper before Clare continued, "As soon as it happened, mom, it felt wrong. I wanted it to end, but he quickly took my skirt off too," and Helen couldn't help but gasp.

"I thought you said it was _just_ your shirt. That you ended up with _just_ your shirt off," Helen replied, a little worried that Clare could be hiding more from her. If something had happened and her daughter needed the morning-after pill, Helen meant to get it to her within the correct window of time, knowing that even _that _wouldn't help Clare if she was already…pregnant.

"What happened, Clare? Tell me e_verything_," Helen gently, but assertively told her daughter, hoping her worst fear wouldn't come true.

"That's everything, mom, I swear," Clare said, and the honesty in her voice made her mom believe her at once.

"I…he asked if it would be okay to take my shirt off, and I said yes, so he did so at once, and then he didn't ask about my skirt, but before I knew what was going on, I felt it fall down my legs," Clare slowly said, her face flaming the whole time, and not telling her mother how his kisses had gotten more forceful and he had aggressively placed them…everywhere as Clare squirmed in discomfort and regret, her mind reeling as she froze up when he moved his mouth lower and lower down her body, moving so fast and his strong hands gripping her hips so tightly that she had been scared to her very core, his touch on her body making…everything feel wrong at once. When he had touched the edge of her panties, Clare had finally put a stop to everything, feeling like she was waking up from a three month-long daze.

"And then…" Clare shakily continued as her mother encouraged her, "Then I saw the hickey and I knew there was no way _I_ had done that. When I confronted him about it," she added, leaving out the part where she had to push Jake away three times before he got the message as Clare scrambled to get her clothes on, an action which hadn't done much to make her feel better, much in the same fashion that the three showers she took that night didn't help erase his touch either, "he just kept saying that of course it was me and that I just probably forgot, but when he realized that he couldn't get away with that bogus excuse, he just apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again," she told her mother, fury invading her senses for the way Jake had made a fool out of her. Clare thought that all throughout their relationship – initiated very much by her – she had the upper hand, but she realized that she had no idea of what Jake was doing behind her back all this time. He had just returned from a weekend trip to his cabin, and Clare knew that girls must have been a very big part of why Jake liked going up there so much.

"You did the right thing, sweetheart," Helen praised Clare as she slowly pulled out of their embrace.

"He…did say sorry, promised he'd never -" Clare started, but her mother widened her eyes at once and categorically said, "_No_, Clare. Not a chance. If a boy does that now – relatively early in the relationship, he'll do much worse later," Helen correctly judged, and Clare slowly nodded, knowing her mother was correct.

"Sweetie, he's in your past now. Where he belongs. I never thought David's son would grow up to be a womanizer, but…he's not good enough for you, Clare. He just isn't," Helen told her daughter, voicing her honest opinion.

"But tonight should be a fun night for you and Alli, Clare – you love dances," Helen pointed out and she saw a small smile appear on her daughter's lips for the first time tonight.

"Who…is all coming?" Helen gently asked, wanting to approach a particular conversation subject but not to push it onto her daughter too much, knowing Clare's tendency to recoil in such moments.

"Everyone," Clare responded, "Alli, Sav, I think Jenna and KC as well, Adam, his brother Drew and his girlfriend Bianca will probably be there, …" Helen heard her daughter say, listing a trail of names that didn't really interest her mother.

"Will…Eli be there?" Helen gently asked, curious as to what the boy was up to now that Clare never talked about him anymore. Helen wasn't fond of bringing up past boyfriends because she believed there was a reason why they belonged in the past, but…something just didn't allow herself to shake of the image of Eli with his father on her front lawn…the way the boy had looked her directly in the eye and so sincerely told her that he considered Clare his best friend, praising her kindness and patience. Helen had been taken aback at the boy's…maturity. She knew from her daughter that he was intelligent…but that maturity – being able to pinpoint the single factor that mattered most in a relationship – whether or not it is based on a friendship – that…was something that had shocked Helen, because she knew many people who had gone through life not realizing it…her own marriage having largely failed because of the lack of a deep, true friendship between herself and Randall.

Helen saw Clare look at the ground before she softly said, "I doubt it, mom. Dances aren't his style".

"Oh. Well, that's too bad," Helen honestly answered. "What is he up to these days, Clare? How is he doing?" she pushed.

"I…don't know, mom," Clare admitted. "I…know he's seeing a therapist, Adam told me," she continued, news that Helen was happy to hear because after Clare had told her about what had happened to the boy's first girlfriend and the extreme guilt he felt over the event as well as what had happened to him at a previous Degrassi dance, Helen had understood his desperate car crash a lot more, but she had also realized that the boy needed help from a professional and from his parents, and not from her daughter.

Clare added, "And…whenever I see him now at school, he's just always carrying around the script for the school play. He's writing it," Clare explained as Helen nodded in understanding, being very aware that the boy's talent for writing and love of literature was what made him so attractive in her daughter's eyes in the first place.

"He doesn't talk much in English class anymore, I think it makes Mrs. Dawes sad," Clare admitted, and Helen recalled the time that she had walked into Degrassi for a Parents Board meeting and she had seen Eli walking with his mom and dad – she had been taken aback at how…numb the young man looked. She was so used to seeing him talking, cracking a joke, or giving her that crooked smirk of his as he complimented her daughter, that seeing him just blankly walk out of the school, as he took his mother's arm in a comforting gesture at one point, had…made Helen feel truly bad for the young man. Once he had noticed her, she saw a flash of nervousness cross his eyes as he politely greeted her, "Hi, Miss Edwards," and Helen just quickly greeted him back and his parents smiled sadly at her. After that encounter, Helen had greatly hoped that Eli's parents were standing by him and helping their son get back on his feet, because she could tell that…he was really suffering. Helen wished she would have told Eli that he was young and that he was very intelligent and capable, but the look of complete loss on his face had taken her aback, and she was also afraid that the boy's heart wasn't open for advice or trust anymore, so she just reminded herself that he was no longer part of her daughter's life and she walked on to her meeting.

"He'll be all right, Clare, he'll find a way out," Helen replied to her daughter as she saw Clare shrug her shoulders sadly and said, "I really wouldn't know how he's doing, mom".

"Let's go," Helen softly whispered, and once she had dropped Clare off at school, she was happy to see Alli cheerfully run up to her daughter at once.

"You're finally here!" the bubbly girl told her best friend as she embraced her into a bone-crushing hug and Clare smiled back at Alli instantly.

"Wow - I love you dress, Clare, it's so beautiful," Alli complimented her, and Clare praised Alli's green elegant dress in return.

Alli was well aware of what had happened to her best friend with Jake the night before, and her own experiences led her to be able to tell how Clare was feeling in this moment, so she quickly locked arms with her and said,

"Tonight, me and you are going to have fun. We're at a dance – we deserve a fun one of these finally. We're going to drink the bad student council punch, and laugh at the sappy song that Sav is bound to deliver tonight, and dance to _every single_ song they play; we are…unstoppable tonight," she declared, and Alli's energy and exaggerate gestures were so powerful that Clare couldn't help but be affected by them at once as she nodded enthusiastically and pushed all other thoughts to the back of her mind as the girls got in the security line.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You said you'd be at the dance – all night long!" Adam shouted at his brother from the back seat as he saw Bianca reach over and place her hand on Drew's thigh.

"And we'll be there, later, relax bro," Drew told his brother, and despite the fact that his voice was strong and booming and it fooled Bianca, it would take more than that to convince Adam. He knew Drew was involved in something…something that looked really serious to Adam…really dangerous. But Drew had refused to tell him, insisting that it would all over after tonight, conveniently the same night that their parents were out of town as they went to visit the boys' grandmother.

"That's not what you told mom. She's going to find out somehow, she's got eyes all over Degrassi, you know that – and then she'll be pissed," Adam pointed out, but he knew his brother's mind was made up.

"She's not going to find out if you just keep your mouth shot," Drew shot back as he practically shoved Adam out the door after parking in front of the school.

"Be careful," he shouted at his brother as Drew drove away after telling Adam that he would be there in about half an hour. Adam wanted to believe his brother, but he was also mad at him because…he had promised to help him with the whole Katie situation that had become a recent development in Adam's life. Eli had been helpful and patient with him, but Adam knew that talking about relationships just about killed Eli now.

When Adam had first asked for advice, Eli had told him that he really was 'the last person who should be giving out relationship advice,' but after a bit of patient reassurance from Adam where he tried to make Eli see that outside factors and at times lack of patience on Clare's part had also contributed to the downfall of the relationship, Eli had shared some really insightful pieces of advice with Adam. Eli's best friend wasn't convinced that Eli had fully registered what he had told him, and Adam was indeed heartbroken for his friend. Eli never laughed, or made witty comments or sent sarcastic jokes his way anymore, and Adam knew it did have to do with him being so busy with and stressed out over writing the school play, but…he knew Eli and he knew that right now, he had the right to use whatever coping mechanism worked. And Adam had sadly realized that for now, that mechanism was…numbness. Stubborn insistence that he feels nothing, when Adam knew very well that Eli was completely tortured by so much pain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_ You're messed, Eli. You're a sociopath who likes to jerk people around and hurt them. If it's this, I can't be with you. Apologize…for anything he wants. My parents just have to get used to the fact that I have a big, scary boyfriend. Less colourful, more black; Eli even drives that hearse outside. What's wrong with you? I talked to Fitz…this morning. I'm not up for one of your lessons. Fitz apologizes, and that's all you have to say? Heartless monster. That's disturbing…just try not to kill me, all right? If you don't like it, don't come. What's so funny about bringing a gun to school? We're going, Eli, what more do you want? You're pressuring me…because you're not over Julia. Stop it…you're suffocating me! I hate the hearse! Spring is coming…time for rebirth, renewal…not us. We NEED TO break up. We're not meant to be together! You…scare me. I can't be around you. _

_ You'll like it here, Degrassi is fun. Of course I'll go to the dance with you, I'd love to. I've never had a fun dance you know, Alli, but I know he's going to give it to me. He's going to give me the best night ever. I never thought he liked me, I thought he liked Darcy, but…that kiss…told me everything I need to know. There's nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries. Come for dinner of course, my parents both love you, of course. Both of them do, it really doesn't matter who is at home tonight, but it's my dad; it's perfect. This way…you can stay after dinner too, my dad will be going back to the firm…it'll be some nice alone time. Oh my God, I love it – it's beautiful – so shiny and such a gorgeous red – will you teach me how to drive on it? I don't know how to drive, I never learned, and this would be such an easy car to practice on. We can go to your mom's grave if you want. Anytime. I understand, and I'd love to go with you. We can pick up some nice flowers. Jake…stop it, silly…we're in the hallway…save it for later. _

Eli knew it was poor self-control on his part to let these memories and overheard phrases run through his mind as he hugged himself on the cold bench, frozen by the Toronto snow, but…he couldn't help it. Every Monday to Friday he kept himself together as best as he could at school…but every Friday night…it was a release he needed, a release his therapist had approved, and told him now to be afraid to take a second pill if he needed it, knowing Eli's hesitancy towards the medication. He thought that the last thing he needed was another problem, and he was yet to take even just a first pill today.

_She…never loved me. Maybe because I tried to hide the real me, and once she found out it was too much for her to handle. But she was wrong. It wasn't all about Julia. I loved her. I wanted to make her happy. I would have taken her to the stupid dance. I would have done anything she would have wanted me to. But then again, that was my problem, wasn't it? Why…did she choose him over me? Why? It takes a few days to move on? That's how much she cared about me? She's happy with him. She feels…safe with him. She kisses him like she never kissed me, and she lets him…feel her up. She encourages it, I can tell. It wasn't a purity ring problem. It was a me problem. Always a me problem. _

Eli knew he was getting lost in a place so dark that he could no longer see the light reaching for him through the stormy cloud of pain, guilt and shame, but he didn't know how to fight his way out of it. His therapist had told him he already was, but Eli sure didn't feel like it. He knew he had become so unrecognizable to himself that his fourteen year old self would have walked right by him in this moment and not cast a second look in his direction. He tried to clear his mind, focusing on studying the way his blazer would get darker as it would make contact with the snow at the top of the bench. _The bench_. Their bench? No. Just another delusion on his part. This bench was nothing but a piece of wood and cement. It had only meant something to his messed-up mind, he thought.

He knew he needed to be stronger than this, and he was. But not on Friday nights. He stared at the script in his hand, thinking of the look on encouragement on Mrs. Dawes' face when she had nominated him to the task. Eli knew she meant the best – it was Mrs. Dawes' way of trying to pull him out of the stormy cloud – but…Eli wasn't sure if it was only pulling him in more. It would be show time soon, and he still had so much to do. He thought of Fiona, and the way she had so emotionally smoothed things over with Adam, and of how excited she would always get when telling Eli about how she couldn't wait for her older brother to come to the performance; Fiona kept saying he will be so impressed with her for leading the project with Eli; apparently he had done the musical at Degrassi last year. Eli knew…that meant Fiona's brother got to work with _her_; she won an award for doing props, he remembered. He wondered if they ever talked. She had left the Drama Club, and in Eli's mind this was because she had heard that he was writing the play. He thought of his parents, who had been the first people to buy tickets for the show. He thought of patient Adam, who had stood by Eli so beautifully, and he wanted to snap out of it for them, but he couldn't. Because it was Friday night.

It was Friday night, and on Friday night, Eli couldn't put up his usual façade. Pretending to be all right…was the most exhausting and draining thing he had ever engaged in, mentally and physically. It left…nothing.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and when he saw Adam's name flash across the screen, he picked it up and said a raspy, "Hey. Aren't you at the dance?"

He heard Adam nervously say, "I am, but dude, I'm freaking out!"

Eli knew what this was about at once, so he just softly asked, "Katie?" and he heard Adam confirm.

"Just talk to her man, you're friends. Nothing wild has to happen tonight, just ask her for a dance, you know?" Eli tried to reason with Adam, but he could tell Adam's desperation had completely wiped out his powers of logic in this moment, and Eli knew all too well how that felt.

"Can you come? Please, Eli?" he heard Adam ask, and Eli recognized the fear in his friend's voice and instantly thought back to how amazingly and consistently Adam had supported him, always, but even more so since he had returned to school after the break, so he only had one thing to say in response,

"I'm not staying for the dance, Adam, but…I'm on my way. Let's just talk," and on the other end of the line, he heard Adam exhale deeply.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Is he coming tonight?" Clare and Alli heard a grade eleven girl whose name they didn't even know ask another grade eleven girl whose name Clare was definitely aware of as they stood in the security line, and Alli understood why the smile had been wiped off of Clare's face at once. Her name was unique, but Clare didn't like hearing it in the halls. Or seeing it on the drama club posters, right under Eli and Fiona's. Out of the corner of the eye, Clare studied the girl's beautiful brown hair, arranged in sassy little cinnamon buns, her black and red polka dot tights and black combat boots, and her fun little black dress. She wasn't wearing her glasses tonight like she usually did in school, and her shiny brown eyes were captivating, Clare thought – they shone with fun and electricity. She did still have on her wrist guard, however, and her nails were painted…black, Clare noticed.

_She's…so different from me. His kind of different, _Clare reflected as she heard the girl giggle playfully and sing along to the iPOD that she had inserted in her ear, afterwards quickly telling her friend, "Ugh, this new Dead Hand song is _to die for_! Wish they'd play this kind of music tonight, but I know we're only in for wishy washy pop songs," and Clare felt her heart drop upon hearing that opinion.

The girl's friend then shot back, "You only like them because _Eli_'s always wearing that shirt from their concert when we have rehearsal, you didn't even know who they were before!" her friend accused her, but the girl shot back at once,

"So what? They're awesome, I'm glad I discovered them. Eli has good taste in music," and she went back to singing along with her IPod as Alli watched Clare nervously fiddle with the strap of her purse, and Clare physically jolted when the girl continued,

"Wait, Imogen, is he coming tonight?" making Clare's entire body freeze as she held her breath. _Please say yes. _

"No, he says it's not his style of course; broody writer thing, you know. I tried to convince him, but he's still freaking out over the play," Clare heard Imogen say.

"Oh, what does he have to be so worried about? With you as his leading lady, it'll be a major success," Clare heard Imogen's friend say, and no matter how hard she tried to fight it, she felt jealously coursing through her veins.

"I know, right?" Imogen giggled. "No, but Eli's very smart, he takes his writing very seriously. He just wants the show to be perfect. The main problem he has though, is that us actors are having a bit of a hard time memorizing our lines; they're so long, and Eli's writing is a little wordy; there's just too much to memorize and no matter how much he struggles with it – I've seen him do it – he just can't seem to be able to cut it down," Imogen said, making Clare shut her eyes tightly and wince.

"Huh," Imogen's friend replied.

"Plus, his play is really sad. I suggested that maybe it should have a different ending – that the girl returns to the boy and forgives him, realizing he never meant to scare her and that she had made mistakes of her own as well – I tried to demonstrate it to him, acted out the way I saw the last scene going in my mind with him one time at the end of rehearsal, but he had this…tortured and confused look on his face as I was doing it, I could tell he wasn't into it. Then he quickly pulled away from me and stubbornly said that a reunion isn't realistic, and that it was all the boy's fault and that the girl just sets off into the sunset with the new boyfriend. But I still don't agree with him – it's so obvious the boy belongs with the girl, and you should see the new boyfriend she gets – ugh, such a tool, it's kind of appropriate KC is the actor actually," Imogen was saying with a giggle as Clare couldn't believe what she was hearing. Imogen continued, "I really think that's how it should go, but Eli said that's a Hollywood ending, not a realistic one, and he wants to do realistic. I tried to reason with him; told him that people like Hollywood endings – what's so wrong with a happy ending anyway, ending on a nice kiss? – but Eli said happy endings don't happen in real life and it would be giving people unrealistic expectations," she finished.

Clare then heard Imogen's friend groan as she said,

"Ugh, whatever happened to him that has him so down?" making Clare wince again.

"I…don't know," Imogen slowly said, her voice filling with interest and compassion, "But I do know that it was bad, and maybe really recent? Eli's really hurting, I can tell, but…I'll get him to open up eventually. I'll find a way, trust me. I tried to tell him that a night of fun might be good for him, I wanted him to come to the dance so much, but, I couldn't talk him into it," she admitted.

"_You_ couldn't talk him into it? Wow, the boy must be like legit depressed or something, if not even _you _couldn't talk him into it," Imogen's friend casually replied.

"Well…just because I couldn't talk him into it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be able to get him to come per se," Imogen mischievously answered, and Clare didn't like her tone. Just what did she mean by that, Clare thought. Why was she playing with Eli like that?

"What do you mean?" Imogen's friend asked, clearly having similar thoughts to Clare.

"I swiped these," Imogen said with a giggle and Clare turned around, throwing prudence to the wind, because she really wanted to know – no, she needed to know, and her eyes widened when she saw Imogen holding a tiny orange, prescription medicine bottle with Eli's name printed on it, clearly given to him by a doctor, most likely his therapist, Clare though. _She stole his medication? Doesn't he need that, what was she thinking? _Clare thought in a panic, and she felt a pang in her chest when she realized that she didn't even know that Eli was on medication now.

"Imogen!" Clare heard the other girl chastise her at once, and she was happy that someone else had realized how inappropriate Imogen's actions were, "I can't believe you took that! Doesn't Eli need it? Wait, what does he take medication for anyway?"

"Anxiety," Imogen replied at once, and Clare felt the same previous venomous feeling take over her entire body.

"Imogen! You need to get those back to him, you can't just take them!" her friend told her.

"Oh, relax – he's petrified of taking them, heard they can be addictive. He hardly ever does," Imogen said as Clare burrowed her eyebrows in thought, grateful at least that Alli had caught on to the situation and wasn't chattering away in her ear, but rather also listening with a displeased look on her face. Since when is Imogen the expert on Eli, to the point where she knows how many pills he takes, or rather doesn't take, every day?

"Then I don't think your plan will really work if he won't even realize they're gone," Imogen's friend logically pointed out, but the girl passionately replied at once,

"Ah, grasshopper, there are ways to expedite the process - " and Clare felt herself become even furious, having heard Eli refer to Adam as 'grasshopper' humorously several times before and knowing Imogen was purely copying Eli's ways; they sounded so wrong on her, Clare thought bitterly.

She heard Imogen wryly continue, "It's _Friday night_ tonight…he'll need one, trust me" and when her friend flashed her a confused look she explained, "Eli is really weird about Friday nights. Even with the show getting so close, he never schedules rehearsals for Friday nights, and he got all weird this one time that I asked what he does usually, so I just…sort of kept an eye on his house one Friday night and I saw that…he just goes to that bench by The Dot and…sits there, often writes. Sometimes it's the play script that he messes with, sometimes he's just writing in a black notebook, but he usually cries the whole time he does it. God, he's so mysterious…I love it," Clare heard Imogen say with a giggle as her heart completely dropped.

_Friday night was our date night. We would meet on the bench. Every Friday night. _

Clare heard Imogen continue, "It's the only time I've seen him ever reach for one of these," as she shook the pill bottle with another giggle.

Imogen's friend still scowled though, and she asked, "How on earth would he think _you_ have them though?"

"Easy - I'm the only person he really talks to at school besides Adam, I've noticed. He let me see them one time at rehearsal. I know he'll ask me – he trusts me," Imogen said, and as Clare stole a glance at her upon hearing that declaration of proximity to Eli, the wry little smile on Imogen's face made Clare have thoughts that she knew a Christian should never have.

"Let's go, Clare, the line's moving," she heard Alli say as she pulled her in the direction of the security guards, and Clare's mind was reeling from everything she had just heard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"That's it, then you should ask her. If she says yes, go for it – and I'm sure she will, and then you can just have a nice dance together," Eli said encouragingly to Adam just as they finished doing a walking lap of the school, giving them the privacy that was needed as Eli reassured Adam multiple times. Now the two boys had gotten to the front of the school, but Eli didn't notice both Clare looking at him sadly and Imogen giggling and jumping up and down when she saw him. Clare watched as Imogen fixed her hair and re-applied her lip gloss, and she then looked at Eli and it was like for the first time in three months, she saw how…exhausted he looked. His eyes were red and they had huge bags underneath, his hair looked like it urgently needed a haircut, and the sleeves of his blazer looked soaked. Clare wondered if Eli had anyone who would notice these things anymore and would look after him, but as she watched Adam thank him profusely and Imogen ran up to them, she realized…there were so many things about his life now that she didn't know.

Clare saw Eli widen his eyes when he saw Imogen hold out his pill bottle, and he stuffed it in his pocket at once, looking incredibly ashamed and glaring at her. She saw Imogen be slightly taken aback, and when she leaned in and placed her hand on his neck and began rubbing it, a sight that made Clare's blood boil, she saw Eli step back with a flinch as he looked to be reprimanding Imogen and as he raised his voice just a little, Clare heard him say, "I can't believe this! Why would you take these?" and Clare noticed that Eli wasn't having any of her explanations that she had simply found them. Clare then heard check with Adam if it was okay that he left now and then he just began walking away, the anger evident in his steps.

_He isn't staying after all? _Clare thought, becoming aware of the disappointment that had taken over her body.

However, all these thoughts were chased out of her mind when she saw no one other than Jake approach her, his hair all messy and his eyes shooting her frantic glares in all directions as he said,

"Clare - we need to talk," and Clare saw Alli shoot her a look as she said, "I'm going to go…um, over there".

Clare crossed her arms stubbornly in front of her chest as she walked out of the line and moved towards the other end of the stairs before locking her gaze with Jake's sternly and saying, "You and me have nothing to talk about," and she then heard Jake groan,

"Clare, come on. We were having so much fun, why do you want to throw that all away?"

"Oh I don't know, Jake, I'm not the one who got a hickey on my neck!" telling him a loud tone, but making sure not to make a scene. She had learned her lesson when she had cruelly yelled at Eli at Above the Dot in a moment of fury; she now knew that despite the fact that she wanted to humiliate him, she only really ended up humiliating herself.

"Clare, I told you – that was a mistake, and I promise it won't happen again," Jake said with a perfect deceiving apologetic look on his face.

"Oh yeah - not until the next cabin weekend, anyway," Clare shot back bitterly before continuing, "You and I are acquaintances, nothing more. When your dad comes over to my house for dinner we will discuss homework, and school, and that's it. Good-bye Jake," Clare told him sternly, but just as she took her next few steps in anger, she soon felt his strong grip on her, pulling her arms behind her and locking his among hers as he dragged her away towards the parking lot in the same manner he had dragged away that time at Above the Dot, and she heard him sneer, "I wasn't finished talking to you," as fear ran through her veins.

She tried to scramble out of his grasp, but he was so much taller and stronger than her…she couldn't, so she yelled at him, "Put me down. Let go. Let go!" and her cries only got more desperate as his grip only got stronger and she screamed, "Jake, you're hurting me. Let go of me!"

Due to the position that Jake had her in, Clare couldn't see what happened behind her in the next moment, but she heard the impact of knuckles against Jake's jaw, and felt his arms release her at once and she caught her footing onto the asphalt with a huge sigh of relief. When she turned around, she saw Eli shaking out his hand with a look of extreme anger on his face as he leaned over Jake on the ground and snarled, "You touch her again, and I _will _kill you. Is that clear?" and Clare was too shocked to even begin to process what was she was witnessing. She felt as if she were floating outside of her body, watching all of them from a distance, and panic flooded her as after Jake angrily muttered, "Crystal," he got up at once and hit Eli so hard that the shorter boy was down on the ground in an instant, and Clare let out a painful cry as she saw a pool of blood coming out of his nose and rapidly dripping down his shirt. Eli quickly got up however, and he ducked when Jake attempted a second punch, and was able to give him two hard consecutive punches that had Jake on the floor again before Officer Turner and Principal Simpson ran to them and all the students ran over for a show as Officer Turner forced Eli onto the ground quickly, and locked Eli's arms behind his back brusquely, a sight that made Clare let out another painful cry as she felt Alli's arms wrap around her.

"Leave Eli alone, he didn't do anything wrong, he was _helping me_," Clare pleaded with Principal Simpson.

"Ridiculous!" Clare heard Jake say at once, "That idiot punched me first, he started this whole thing. I have a right to defend myself," Jake argued, and Clare felt tears flooding her face when she realized how all of this looked to Principal Simpson, who had only come at the point when Eli was throwing his punches Jake's way.

She locked gazes with Eli's just for a second as Officer Turner suddenly lifted him up at once off the ground, and Clare's heart was aching at the way the police officer was treating Eli like a criminal, being so rough with him as more blood was now dripping down Eli's grey shirt. Clare noticed Imogen watching the scene with as much fascination as if she was watching a movie. Eli rapidly looked away from Clare, flinching as she tried to shoot him a warm glare and mouth 'Thank you,' words that Eli never caught. He couldn't look at the girl. It was Friday night, and looking into those eyes on Friday night in this situation…it was a lot more than his fragile mind and heart could take right now.

Clare felt a light film of tears flood her eyes as she registered the anger on Principal Simpson's face as he said, "Jake, Miss Oh will help get you cleaned up and take you into the dance," as Eli let out the tiniest of scoffs, thinking it was all too predictable that he'd be immediately seen as the bad guy in all of this.

Clare then watched in horror as Principal Simpson turned to Eli and sternly said, "Eli, I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you; after all your progress, Eli," he said as Clare saw Eli hang his head, looking just a bit ashamed, "You do something like this in the heat of one moment. Eli…I am just…I really thought we were over these type of events with you," he continued, but Eli just simply stared at the ground, thinking of how disappointed his parents would be once they heard. He never cared before; his parents were pretty nonchalant about these things, but things had been different ever since…his crash and the entire aftermath of it all. Cece would cry, he knew that for sure, and that thought broke his heart. His dad would tell him to remember that time heals everything, a melodramatic cliché that Eli detested but never had the heart to tell his father so, and Dr. Sadler would empathetically sigh, scribble something furiously in her notebook and tell Eli that he could make it through because he was a smart and dedicated young man. But Eli wasn't so sure of that. Eli wasn't so sure he would make it through.

"He didn't do _anything wrong_, Principal Simpson," Clare tried in desperation, "He was _helping me_, I didn't want to talk to Jake –" Clare said frantically, but Principal Simpson shot her a glare and said,

"Fighting is _never_ the answer, Clare, and Eli and I have had that conversation plenty of times now. He's had plenty of warnings".

Clare heard Principal Simpson sigh before he continued, "After all your progress Eli, you get in another fight…over Clare," and Clare's heart ached as she saw Eli clench his fists as Principal Simpson's insensitive comment.

"I'm afraid I have no choice but to suspend you this week," Principal Simpson said, and Clare was afraid Eli's punishment would be expulsion, so she actually breathed a sigh of relief, but in the moment in which he saw Eli look up at Principal Simpson, his eyes brimming with tears as a destroyed look entered them, she knew that this whole event had meant something more to Eli now than the Eli who was so used to being in fights and taking a suspension here and there. Something was different now.

"Sir…my mom…she'll be so sad," Eli whispered, but Clare heard it as Eli continued, "I'll do anything…I can't…make her sad. Not again," but Principal Simpson sternly shook his head as he continued, "I know she'll be so sad, Eli…I know; because I am too. But I have no choice".

"Wait," Clare heard Eli said as Principal Simpson began pushing Eli in the direction of the street, and she saw him soften a little when Eli's voice broke as he said, "The play. My play. It's on Friday. We're not even close to ready," and Principal Simpson softly told Eli, "Fiona will look after the play, Eli. I'm sorry," and Clare saw the incredulous look that crossed Eli's face when he heard that.

"Please Sir…I wrote that play, Sir…it means a lot to me, to…see it performed. I've worked on it all semester. I need…to see it come to an end," Eli pleaded, and Clare couldn't believe Principal Simpson's transformation…it was like he had a heart of stone. Why couldn't he see how much this meant to Eli?

"Eli," he sighed, and then Clare saw Eli sharply exhale as he whispered, "Sir…that play…it's all I've got now. Please…don't take that away from me," and upon hearing him utter those words, Clare wondered if a heart can actually break in a million little pieces.

"All right, Eli. All right. You'll serve your suspension next week then, but I don't want any more trouble. You're a bright young man Eli – look at you – you're writing and organizing my school play one minute and then throwing punches outside the next, for goodness sake. You don't need to be doing this. You need…to let go of this," Principal Simpson said, and Clare caught the slight nod that Simpson threw in her direction as she knew what he was trying to tell Eli and she felt a tear fall down her face, one that Alli rapidly wiped away. Simpson meant _her._

"I know, Sir. Thank you. Don't worry, I'm leaving now," Clare saw Eli exhale, his face flaming and his gaze never leaving the ground, but then he abruptly turned around as he added, "Sir. Wait," and Clare could tell Principal Simpson was starting to get a little frustrated with Eli.

"What is it now, Eli?" and the tone in the principal's voice also told Eli that he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't walk away. He was involved now, so he just stared Principal Simpson in the eye as he said,

"I changed my mind. You can suspend me during play week, it doesn't matter – but if you let Jake stay at the dance, I'm only going to go punch him again until I make sure he's out of there," and Clare heard Alli gasp at the look of shock on Simpson's face at Eli's bold declaration. Eli then added, "He hurt Clare, and now apparently the solution is to now put the two of them together in even tighter, darker and louder quarters," Eli quite appropriately pointed out.

"Jake hurt you physically Clare?" Simpson asked the distraught girl and she nodded in response, and said, "Dragged me away towards the parking lot, and then Eli came and helped me, and I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me," Clare reproached Simpson as a look of guilt flashed across his face.

"I'm sorry, Clare, I should have listened to what you were trying to tell me," he apologized, before continuing,

"But Eli, I saw those punches with my own eyes – Clare was obviously fine and free at that point. I know there was something else going on there," Simpson also argued, and Eli just shrugged his shoulders as he stubbornly admitted, "Yeah, well, I wanted to, he asked for it," and Clare saw Simpson ask Officer Turner to find Jake in the gym and drive him home.

Simpson then turned to Eli again and said, "Eli, your suspension stays for the week after the play. Are you staying at the dance?" and Clare nodded her head urgently at him wishing to give him an indicator that he should, but Eli could not see that as he kept his gaze on the ground and muttered, "No."

"Then you'd best be on your way home – explain to your parents what happened here before they have to hear it from me," Simpson told the clearly upset boy as Clare's heart ached for him.

"Thank you Sir," Eli said poignantly before Clare saw Officer Turner put Jake in the back of his car, and just a minute later, she saw Eli's all black form head into the poorly lit streets, fading into the darkness. Despite the fact that Clare knew she was physically fine, that Jake couldn't hurt her anymore, and Alli kept reassuring her that they would still have a fun night, she just couldn't shake off the image of Eli heading off into the night as she felt her heart beat irregularly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_ We're not meant to be together. _

_ One more kiss, come on baby, before you have to head to that stupid English class of yours. Mmm. That's what I'm talking about. Love you, can't wait to see you tonight. _

_ Clare, he's so different and you know it – that's why he's good for you. He's fun – just look at the car he has and the car Eli had. And do you ever think Jake would produce something as creepy as that messed up story of his? No way. Jake's mom died even less time ago than Eli's ex-girlfriend, and you don't see him so hung up on it because Jake is normal! Jake is perfect…he'll steal your heart, you wait and see._

All the memories and lost phrases of conversations he had overheard kept running through Eli's mind as he tried to process the events of the night. _There's a big difference between losing someone you love and causing their death, Alli_, Eli thought bitterly, wishing he had told her that when he had heard say that to Clare as he was walking past the girls' lockers in the hallway one day. Eli knew he should be going home, and his entire body was smelly and sticky and felt metallic as he was trying to control the blood flowing out of his nose by wiping it away, having very little success. Eli knew he should at least try to go to the bench and attempt fixing the script, but he just couldn't.

Not after this Friday night. So instead he inserted his ear buds into his ear and turned his iPod on as he chose to wander the streets aimlessly, heading down the alleys so as to avoid people's judgemental gazes at the poor lost emo kid, ignoring the pain in his leg and chucking his bottle of anxiety medicine into a garbage bin as he let his memories overtake him again.

It was Friday night. He didn't have to be strong on Friday night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All those dreams I had about you when I was locked up…I don't want them to be dreams anymore, baby," Anson told a terrified Drew and Bianca as he held a gun in Drew's direction.

"You can start with your skirt," he instructed as Bianca looked over at Drew, sheer desperation in her eyes. Drew knew he was not about to stand idly by and watch that pervert hurt his girlfriend, but…_he had a gun_. He had a gun and Drew knew he would use it; he had just been in jail for drug trafficking. Drew knew him and Bianca were in over their heads, but he also knew that there was not a chance in hell that he would permit this to go on.

When he came here, he planned to give this jerk was he deserved – a beat down, but he never thought he would have a gun. He just needed a plan, he thought, planning to take a bullet for Bianca if he couldn't come up with on, but then he saw a dark figure walking towards them – no wonder he kept walking this way, he was listening to his iPOD, or else he would have seen what was going on and gotten the hell away from here. Anson was too busy leering at Bianca, Drew noticed, and he couldn't believe his eyes when the figure got closer and Drew recognized him as his brother's best friend. What the hell was Eli doing here? Drew wanted to shout his name, to tell him to get away and call the police, but he knew that the slightest noise on his part would clue Anson in on Eli's presence, and Drew knew that Anson wouldn't hesitate to shoot Eli at once.

Drew watched in a panic as Anson got closer to Bianca and began sniffing her hair, and when he turned his head to look in the opposite direction, he breathed a huge sigh of relief as he saw Eli widen his eyes at the scene, taking in what was going on at once, and Drew saw him hide behind a dumpster after Eli mouthed, 'Calling the cops'. Drew now just prayed that they would get here soon enough.

"Let's go, baby, it never used to take you this long," Anson smugly said, as Drew watched in pain as Bianca's whole body started shaking as she slowly stripped her skirt off, and when Anson pointed the gun closer to Drew, Bianca quickly pulled off her shirt, leaving Drew to panic, thinking that the police would never arrive in time, if at all. Behind the dumpster, Eli was thinking the same thing as he felt his fists clench when he heard Anson undo his belt buckle. Eli knew he couldn't let that happen to a girl. There was so way he could stand idly by anymore. He was involved now, and with perfect clarity he stepped out from behind the dumpster and assertively said,

"Let her go," for the second time tonight, although he realized this situation was much more serious.

Anson turned around in a split second and grimaced at the sight of the blood running from Eli's nose all over his clothes, as Bianca let out an ear-piercing scream, Drew lunged for his arm, trying to get a grip of the gun, but failing to do so, Anson's speed in turning around exceeding that of Degrassi's star quarter back. A booming shotgun awoke many of Toronto's downtown residents that night as police sirens could finally be heard in the background, Anson's frantic running footsteps were drowned out by the blaring alarms, and Bianca and Drew desperately attempted to wipe the blood off of their hands as they held Eli's body, realizing it was not their own or each other's.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Feeling any better?" Alli asked Clare as they headed over to the punch bowls.

"I feel free," Clare numbly said, wanting to please Alli for trying so hard with her all night. Clare it wasn't easy.

"You should! Because you are! Time for you to choose your next victim," Alli asked playfully. "How about that cute grade twelve boy who scored that awesome goal in the soccer game last week?"

"No more jocks," Clare said, trying to humour Alli, but really wanting to go home and just have a cup of tea and hide under her covers.

"Well, there's a gym full of boys here, there's gotta be _someone_," Alli insisted as the girls saw Adam happily come over to the punch bowls with Katie and hand her a glass before taking one for himself.

"Hey, Clare," he quickly said with a smile. "You all right?" he asked, having been witness to the earlier scene outside with Jake.

"I am, thanks Adam," Clare said a little awkwardly, feeling guilty for having distanced herself from her caring friend…she had been too busy making out with Jake over the past three months, she thought bitterly. She didn't even know that there was something between Adam and Katie, because as she looked at the two of them now…she could there was definitely something there. Adam didn't seem to harbour any hard feelings towards her however, Clare thought, as he returned to Katie with a smile and the two talked passionately about something that Clare couldn't make out. Clare then saw Adam roll his eyes as he pulled out his phone, and as he got closer to Clare in search for better reception, she could hear him groan in frustration to Katie,

"I'm sure it's my mom – it's the first Degrassi dance she hasn't chaperoned so she's going to want to check up on me and Drew and that fool isn't even here yet," Clare heard Adam say as Katie giggled in response.

Adam then focused his attention on the phone as he said, "Mom, you're breaking up, I can't hear you…oh what, Drew? It's you? Where are you, you idiot? I was freaking out that mom was calling and she'd ask me to put you on phone," Clare watched Adam say, and then she fixed her gaze on him as she saw all the color drain from his face at once, and he stuttered out, "W-What d-do y-you m-mean, Eli is hurt? What the hell do you mean Eli _got shot_? How on earth? Drew, is he…alive? Oh my God," Clare heard Adam said, and in that second, she felt a chilling fear grip her entire body and she wished for nothing more than to be able to turn back time.

Why was Eli…shot? Who had shot him? Not Jake, Clare couldn't see him doing something that intense. So then who? Was Eli…in some sort of trouble that she didn't know? With those meds…but no, Imogen said he never took them. And why was Drew calling Adam? How had Drew, of all people, found out before anyone else?

Clare felt as if her heart would stop beating any moment and she tried to push her hair out of her face – she wanted to, she really did – but her body would not listen to her brain. She was frozen, feeling as if her legs were going to give out any minute. The minute Adam looked into her eyes and she recognized the same sheer terror that she knew was reflected in her own, Clare let out the most painful cry of her life as she saw Adam running and yelled, "Wait! Wait for me!" and Adam held out his hand as the two began running together, Alli closely trailing behind them, and all of them ran into Sav in the hallway, who couldn't believe the news and who told them to get in the truck at once. If you were to ask Sav about the drive the next day, he would honestly tell you he couldn't remember it; all he could remember was getting from point A to point B; Alli on the other hand, would inform you that their father definitely wouldn't have approved of Sav's speed.

"Emergency, right there – I see the sign, let us out, let us out," Adam cried hysterically at Sav and he jumped out of the truck before it had even come to a complete stop, but before running into the ER, tears flooded every pair of eyes in the car as Adam paused for a second, and held his hand out to Clare, who exhaled deeply and took it at once, gripping it so tight that Adam's fingers soon turned white. They told Alli and Sav that they would call with news, and that they didn't need them to stay, and the two panicked teens ran into the ER and Clare burst into wild tears as she once again saw Bullfrog talking to a doctor…but what if it would be different this time? He had been _shot_, she thought as she covered her face with her eyes when she felt Cece wrap her up in a tearful embrace at once…Adam had said the bullet had hit…his _chest_, Clare thought in a panic. _His chest. The bullet hit his chest._

_I could be losing my Eli for good. _

"What happened to him? Why is he here? Is he okay? What did the doctors say? Tell me!" she pleaded with Cece as she also felt Bullfrog place a hand on her shoulder. Cece was taken aback at the girl's hot face, buried in her shirt, madly scrambling curls everywhere, and a fragile body that wouldn't stop shaking.

Cece was much too distraught to answer, however, and Bullfrog led the girls as well as Adam to a set of chairs as he explained, voice breaking,

"Clarabelle. Eli said he was heading out for a walk tonight," he started, but Clare painfully whined, "To our bench," surprising Eli's parents with her knowledge, "And I don't know how he ended up on some back alley, just wandering about, but that's my Eli for you, he does weird things like that – I raised a weird kid and I could care less what others say, I couldn't be prouder of my son -. He ran into a group of kids from school," Bullfrog continued, and only then did everyone notice Drew and Bianca approach them, standing up from a pair of nearby chairs, wearing hospital scrubs, and Drew felt like he should take over the explanation at this point.

"Us, he ran into me and Bianca," he said, and then Adam quickly exclaimed, "You too all right?" and they nodded at once, understanding that Adam must have been taken aback by the sight of their medical scrubs.

"We're fine; because of Eli. We just had to change," Drew said, not wanting to say why, but he immediately heard Clare choke out,

"His blood. Oh my God…you had his blood on your clothes, from when he was…shot," and she folded her body upon itself down into the ground before Cece lifted her up and gently stroked her hair and said, "Shh. Shh. It's all right, baby girl, it's all right".

"How do you know that? How can you _possibly _know that?" Clare exploded, not understanding why people were giving her the narrative of what had happened when all she really needed to know was Eli's condition.

She scrambled out of Cece's hug before shouting, "If he doesn't live…if he…dies," her voice now only a shaky whisper, "Nothing will _ever _be all right again. Nothing," she deadpanned, finally understanding why Eli's emotions towards Julia were so powerful, especially because…Clare knew that Eli felt responsible for her death; he never told her that Julia died, but that _he had killed her._

"Someone tell me. _Now_," Clare said, gathering up all the courage and strong sense of self that the boy who was now lying cut open on an operating table had taught her to channel.

Bullfrog took a deep breath before he said, "We…don't know yet, Clarabelle. What's going to happen. The surgeon said it's a long operation. He'll be out as soon as he knows," and Clare felt more tears flooding her vision, reducing everything to a mass of white and a sickly hospital green as a nurse warned Bullfrog that unless she calmed down and let everyone in the ER waiting room have their peace, she would either be removed or given a sedative.

Clare felt her knees give way at the image of Eli lying open on an operating table, and when the thought occurred to her that he might…die…without knowing how she truly felt – a realization that she had only permitted herself to sink in tonight – for the first time in her life, she thought she wanted to die as well. She felt Cece pick her up off the floor again and gently keep her in her lap as she patted the girl's brown curls down and whispered, "Shh. Shh. Don't cry, baby girl. Eli wouldn't want you to cry". But Clare didn't understand, so she whispered,

"Why are you being so nice to me? You should hate me," as she looked at both Cece and Bullfrog.

"Oh, baby girl," Cece sighed, "We could never hate you. Eli…you know what he said about you in one of our family therapy sessions?" Cece asked.

"That he has no feelings at all?" Clare countered.

"What? That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. He said…he just wishes he could apologize to you. For not being good enough. For taking you down that road. He just wishes that you understood that you saved him, when you first met him, that it was so bad then – worse than anyone knew, he says – that…as bad as he might seem to us now, he knew that if he had never met you, he would have been a lot worse a lot sooner," Cece admitted, knowing Eli wouldn't be pleased, but…thinking that if this was the last time that she'd be holding the girl in her arms…Cece just wanted her to know. She thought Clare had a right to know the truth.

"Really?" Clare shakily breathed as she saw Adam smile and nod at her and Bullfrog and Cece did the same. Clare felt like she had just been hit by a speeding train – never in a million years would she have thought that that's what Eli was hiding behind his numb exterior.

Putting another set of words together was too much for the distraught girl, however, so she just kept crying softly in Cece's embrace, clutching Eli's mom's leather jacket tightly, because it reminded her of her Eli. Cece made a quick phone call to Clare's mom after she had Clare dial in the number, letting her know where her daughter was, and Helen was severely distraught, but Cece promised to keep her updated and to keep Clare safe, and the conversation didn't last very long. Adam then pulled up a chair in front of Clare and he held her hand tightly, not letting go when Bullfrog tightly wrapped his arm around his wife and Clare's own body could also feel his tight grip as she rested in Cece's embrace, and Drew pulled up his own chair next to his brother's and took his free hand, while Bianca came and sat on Drew's lap, tightly gripping Drew's free hand. The ER nurses didn't have the heart to ask the group to maintain a clear aisle way, because they could tell they were all desperately praying for a sixteen year old boy who was fighting for his life on an operating room table right now.

Clare squeezed Adam's hand and gripped Cece's jacket even tighter as she found the courage to say, "Drew. Tell me".

Bianca hung on to Drew tighter as he started, "For a while now, Bianca's ex-boyfriend Anson has been bothering us – Anson. Tonight I went to that alley to meet up with him, planning on giving him the beat down that he deserved. But everything changed when he pulled a gun on us," he said, as Adam's felt Clare's entire body shake with a huge tremor, "and then…he asked Bianca to take her clothes off while he held me at gunpoint. I knew he was going to rape her, but I wasn't about to let that happen, gun or no gun, so I was just thinking of the best thing to do when I saw a dark figure emerge, and the streets were so dark I had no idea who it was; he was wearing all black," Drew continued, and another large tremor took over Clare's body when she remembered the last visual of Eli that she had as he left Degrassi, and the sinister feeling that she felt.

Drew continued, "He was also listening to his iPod and he definitely looked lost in his own thoughts," and this time Cece was the one to shake, all too familiar with this recent tendency of Eli's. "But then as the figure got closer, I couldn't believe that…it was Eli. He realized what was going on at once, and he hid behind a dumpster as he called or texted 911, I don't know exactly, because he kept perfectly quiet, knowing anything else would be really bad of course. So then I relaxed a little, thinking the police would be on their way soon – but when Anson got closer to Bianca," Drew said as he held his girlfriend tighter, "And made her take off her clothes, I was losing it. The police weren't coming! And I thought Eli couldn't see just how close he was, but he clearly did, or he heard Anson take off his belt buckle – because that's what he did next," and Clare noticed how Bullfrog's fists automatically clenched just like she had seen Eli's do so many times, "And…I knew he was going to do it. He was going to hurt my girl. And obviously so did Eli, because he stepped out and he looked really intimidating when he said, 'Let her go,' - I could tell Anson was scared – Eli had blood all over his shirt and on his neck and in all black like he always is, coming out of nowhere…he looked really creepy, I still have no idea why he was so bloody to start with," Drew said in confusion, but Clare tearfully filled in,

"Jake punched him. Eli defended me tonight, when Jake was forcing me to talk to him, and they had a fight, but it wasn't Eli's fault," she said, and even if Cece and Bullfrog weren't familiar with that name, they knew at once who he must be to Clare. Adam and Drew and Bianca didn't find the encounter at all surprising, and Adam watched his brother and his brother's girlfriend nod in immediate understanding.

Drew continued, "So then as Anson turned around and looked at Eli, I tried to grab the gun, but I wasn't fast enough, and the motion of Anson's turn made him aim perfectly for Eli's chest. I heard the shot, Eli fell down at once on the pavement, Anson ran away, and the cops finally decided it was time for them to show up," Drew said angrily, not including all the gory details of how when Eli fell down, his leg also let out a sickening crack against the pavement. "I just heard they found Anson, but, Eli…Eli…he," Drew attempted to continue, as Bianca filled in,

"He saved us," her own voice cracking and Drew holding on tighter to her.

"That's what Eli does," Clare softly said, her tear stained face breaking everyone's heart as she looked at them with large doe eyes.

Not a single person in the group let go of their grip on the person they were holding onto for five long hours, and not one single eye was shut for even just a second. When Clare saw the same surgeon who had been talking to Bullfrog emerge from the long corridor marked 'Staff Only', she stood up at once.

"Family only, please," the surgeon said at once, and Cece and Bullfrog stepped forward as Bullfrog said, "We're all family here," and Clare retreated into Cece's side embrace while keeping her eye on the doctor.

"Eli will live," he said at once, as everyone let out a huge breath and Clare felt even more tears subside her as the doctor gave everyone a minute. "The bullet hit his lung, making it collapse instantaneously. The chest trauma was severe, and he lost some critical time in getting to the hospital, which is why we had to work on him for so long. It was peculiar; he's obviously a strong and healthy young man, but his vitals were extremely weak; he must have been very distraught, under a lot of stress for some reason, _before _he was shot. When we entered his name in our system to check for any allergy medications, we saw that he was currently on anxiety medication, which would have interfered with some of the critical medication we needed to give him, which posed a serious complication for our team – however, when we took a blood sample, we found no trace of the anxiety medication in his system, allowing us to get on. In this case, not taking that medication very well saved his life. We completed lung surgery to treat his pneumothorax, repairing the area where the leak occurred. We had to place a chemical into the area of the collapsed lung, and this chemical caused the scar that he will have on his chest. When you go in to see him, don't be alarmed by the scar," the doctor explained, and Clare's heart could barely take hearing about everything that had happened to Eli over the last six hours.

The surgeon continued, "There was another problem as well," and Clare wondered how much more could possibly go wrong with one human being's body. "His records showed that he was in a car crash recently and he broke his leg – I suspect that when he fell back from the impact of the gunshot, his leg hit the pavement, aggravating an already fragile bone. It broke; the reason he became unconscious at once might not have actually been the gunshot, but the extreme pain that such a fracture usually causes. Fortunately our ortho surgeon was able to fuse it back together. I'm afraid it's back to a cast for him for a while, but he is strong and healthy – I'm aware there might be reasons why he is on anxiety medication, reasons that are more psychological than physical, but if he has all the support that my nurses have told me they have seen in this ER for the past 15 hours, I have no doubts he'll make a full recovery. He will need to spend a week in the hospital at least, and perhaps two more in recovery, but he will be fine," the doctor said, exhaling and putting his glasses on, and everyone realized in that moment just what the surgeon had been through in the last five hours, and he was met with warm embrace after warm embrace, the most desperate of which he registered as coming from the pretty girl with blue eyes and brown hair that reminded the surgeon so much of his own daughter.

"Can we see him?" Cece asked.

"I'm aware he has a very large family," the surgeon said with a small smile, "But I'm afraid I will have to draw the line at only his parents and one other visitor. Eli…tonight…it was a close call. A very close call," the doctor said, emphasizing his point.

"Clare…you go," everyone heard Adam softly sigh as the girl's face collapsed into another teary expression of pain. "He'd want to see…you," Adam said, and everyone nodded in understanding at once and encouraged her to go.

"Thank you Adam," Clare said, but she insisted that Cece and Bullfrog go first, a wise choice as Clare very well knew that she didn't want to give Eli a fright in his delicate condition…and she also thought that this way, if Eli didn't want to see her…he could tell his parents first…and she would respect his decision. He had already been through so much tonight.

"Adam, I need your phone," Clare said at once after everyone moved from the bottom floor of the ER to a room two floors above, having been told that that's where Eli had been brought.

Adam obeyed at once, though he definitely shot Clare a confused look, and she explained, "Principal Simpson needs to know the play has been pushed back three weeks – so we're calling your mother so she can tell him that," and Drew replied at once, "Whoa, Clare, mom's out of town and she has no idea about any of this," but Clare insisted, telling Drew, "All she needs to know is that Eli got hurt, not how, and that the play needs to be pushed back," and Clare was infinitely grateful when Adam made the phone call for her, and knowing Mrs. Torres' ways, she was not at all surprised when Adam later received a text message saying it had all been arranged. If Eli wanted to see her, Clare wanted to walk in there with this tiny bit of good news. She knew how much the play meant to Eli; she had already ruined one literary achievement for him when she killed Eli's joy at his first publication; she was not about to do the same thing to him again.

A few minutes later, Clare saw Bullfrog hold the door open to the room as she wiped her tears away and took in the small, white and cold room. The bed was its most prominent feature, aside from all the medical carts and the two chairs in it, but…Clare had never been prepared for all the tubes that were connected to Eli's body. He had one helping him breathe, and one that looked like it was inserted rudimentarily directly into his chest, and the scar that the surgeon had warned them about was rather gruesome – it was purple and it stretched for about four inches along his chest, just above his right lung. His leg was in a cast and his entire body looked so fragile and vulnerable in the thin white hospital gown, but none of these difficult things to swallow compared to the look in his eyes when Eli saw that the visitor his parents had told him about was not Adam, but Clare. It was truly the last thing he ever expected.

Eli loved the girl dearly, but he did not allow himself to concede this realization because it simply hurt him too much. In his mind, he had her, then lost her, experienced betrayal along the way, and then she chose another. Another and never looked back at him. Eli was hurting, his numbness just a front that he used as a shield because he had no other weapons, and he wanted her to hurt just as much as she had hurt him, so he bitterly shot,

"Well, fuck," using a word he knew she hated deliberately, "I _really_ am crazy now. Fucking Clare Edwards is here, in my hospital room," hoping Clare would buy his act, get scared, and run away.

He had no such luck, however, as she just softly sighed, "Eli," realizing his parents hadn't told him about her after all.

Clare knew they never talked much anymore, after an initial attempt at friendship on her part that Eli bitterly rejected, angrily thinking that he had already told her he liked her too much to be just her friend, and a truly horrible one-sided screaming match on her part, and she understood that Eli had a right to be angry. But…seeing him all connected to the tubes…knowing he had come within a step of death…it was all too much.

"What do _you_ want?" Eli shot venomously. "Shouldn't you be out riding in a shiny red truck that you love so much somewhere?" and Clare saw him close his eyes in pain as he reached his hand to his head, and the monitor measuring his heart rate began beeping more erratically.

Eli then opened his eyes again, and Clare noticed that he struggled to inhale, as he repeated, "Oh, sorry I fucking forgot about the dance thing," honestly telling Clare why he had asked the previous question. Eli was still a little confused, and his painkillers weren't helping.

"Thank you for that. I never got to say thank you," Clare said, getting closer to his bed as Eli flinched and she interpreted that as a signal on his part that he wanted her to stop at that length.

"Yeah, you're welcome," Eli said, distance and sarcasm in his tone as he struggled for another breath as he muttered, "What an asshole," and Clare nodded, much to Eli's surprise.

Eli wanted to hurt her, and he was determined that he would – just like she knew enough about him to tell him the most painful things possible over the phone when she broke up with him – he was well aware that he also knew a lot about her, and two could play that game. And Eli meant to. But there was something he had to know first.

"Did he hurt you? Before?" and Clare quickly shook her head, as she said, "No, he didn't. Tonight was the first time; he was angry because I broke up with him," Clare explained, wanting to insert that piece of information in her dialogue.

She saw Eli shrug his shoulders as he locked gazes with her and said, "Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much. There'll be another heart throb soon enough. Didn't take you long to replace me, won't take you long to replace him. The circle of…Clare Edwards," Eli said, his comments now sharply stinging Clare, he could tell.

Dammit, but he thought it would feel better than this. It's what he wanted, isn't it? What would make everything better? So why was he only feeling worse? In his desperation to have her feel as much pain as he had been feeling every day for the past three months, he decided to be as hurtful as possible, hitting Clare where it would hurt her most.

"You fucked him, right? You never kissed me like that, like you kissed him – kisses that belong in a bedroom. You slept with him and shared your lovely spiritual connection, right? Too bad Fitz missed out. Oh wait – perfect! That's it – Fitz can be the new boy toy, he's all ready to have sex with you – been waiting since Vegas night," Eli pushed, wanting to stick to his original plan of hurting Clare, and he saw the way she flinched at his words, instantly making him wonder why Clare's eyes moved the way they did.

"I…almost," she admitted, and she heard Eli let out a painful breath as he struggled to move to his side in his attempts to hide his red eyes at her answer, causing his finger pulse monitor to fall to the ground. Clare picked it up, and walked over to his bed as Eli grabbed it stubbornly and returned it back to its proper place, having been warned that if he took it off, a nurse would get the message and walk in and replace it.

"Why the hell didn't you go through with it?" Eli shot at her, and the tears that formed in her eyes didn't cause the feelings of satisfaction that he thought they would.

"Because it was wrong. All wrong. _He_ was wrong," Clare admitted. "I…lost my way, Eli. After what happened…with us," she told him, resting her hands on his bed as Eli moved further away in the opposite direction, cowering away from her touch.

Clare softly continued, "I…didn't move on, Eli. What I did with Jake wasn't moving on. It was…blindly trying to forget. I never loved him, Eli," she admitted.

Eli laughed bitterly and said, "And here I am thinking me and him have nothing in common – I'm not an idiot, I know that's why you chose him, the very opposite of me, – but turns out we have a major thing in common, we're like a band of two brothers".

"What?" Clare retorted, her patience growing thin.

"We're the boys-never-loved-by-Clare-Edwards club! We can have…weekly meetings and sit around and talk about the way our relationships came crashing down, although I'm pretty sure my story wins the trophy for that one. If you're gonna go out, might as well go out in style," Eli said, widening his eyes in an attempt to scare Clare as he purposefully adopted a crazy tone and said, "I crashed Morty," and the girl did flinch in horror…it was all too eerily similar, and Eli was being heinously cruel. Because being cruel to her was easier than feeling something.

"Ha," Eli declared in victory, "Get out, Clare. What are you even doing here?" he spat, staring her down.

"Eli, I just thought –" the girl tried to explain, but Elli's aggression had unnerved her.

"You don't want to be here, Clare. I scare you, remember? You said thanks, it's done, no need to be here a second longer. Get out," Eli said, but the potent meanness in his voice had lasted as long as he could uphold it, and Clare could now hear…the hurt that he had been masking all this time.

"Eli…it was a scary thing that you did that night, you have to admit," Clare gently said.

"Of course it was. I'm crazy, haven't you heard? But that's got nothing to do with it, actually," Eli reflected.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked, sitting down in the chair next to his bed.

"All these people – my therapist, my parents, Principal Simpson, Mrs. Dawes, Adam, they all think it's okay that I did what I did because I'm crazy, but don't you get it? It doesn't…write it off, or excuse it. It's not a get-out-of-jail-free card," Eli said, and for the first time, Clare saw the sheer fear in his eyes at being diagnosed, as Eli referred to it 'officially certified crazy'.

"Eli…" Clare gently started, and Eli had to close his eyes at the warmth in the girl's voice because it was too overwhelming for him, "I understand…and while it may not excuse it, it…explains it. All this time…that's all I wanted, an explanation," and Clare saw Eli nod his head shamefully and when he opened his eyes, Clare realized that his burst of anger was over.

"What…was wrong?" she gently asked him and it took Eli two minutes of silence before he softly said,

"It's still wrong. Apparently I have post-traumatic stress, and that night, it led to a psychotic break. I'm sorry," he whispered, and Clare was elated when he didn't move away his hand from hers when she reached for it.

"Eli, you don't have anything to be sorry for," Clare told him.

"I do," he insisted, "I ruined…us. I made us so broken that we couldn't be repaired," Eli said, admitting his innermost thought to her at last.

"It's not all your fault, Eli – I pushed you and was mean to you when I should have just…talked to you, like you said," Clare admitted, intertwining their fingers.

"Clare…he really didn't hurt you, right?" Eli asked, his lucid mind needing this confirmed one more time.

"No, he didn't, Eli. You stopped him, before he could do anything," Clare warmly told him, but she now felt Eli struggle for breath even more heavily before he gravely said,

"How far?" and her heart froze as Eli continued, "With me…it was my doorstep. His bed? Your bed? You let him touch you…everywhere?" Eli asked, and Clare's eyes brimmed with tears as she said,

"Don't torture yourself like this," and she saw a tear fall down Eli's face as he said, "Tell me," and Clare whispered, "I…I let him take my clothes off – but not my underwear," and she watched as Eli moved his gaze away from hers and didn't speak for a long time.

"It didn't mean anything," Clare gently said. "Eli…I did too much, too fast, just to try to…forget you. But I could never forget you, Eli," she confessed.

"It…shouldn't have been like that. It should mean something…when it happens," Eli whispered, and Clare covered her face with her hands as she said, "I know. I…lost my mind, Eli".

"Me too," he admitted, "But I'm trying to get it back," and Clare flashed him a huge smile.

"And how's that going?" she asked, wanting to know everything about what she had missed.

"The play's not helping, it's been really stressful," Eli admitted. "But now it looks like I'm going to miss that as well, dump all the work on poor Fiona," he said, and Clare saw the sadness in his eyes.

"No, you're not, silly – called Simpson, it's on for three weeks from now – plenty of time to rest. I mean to make sure you do so too, Eli," Clare meaningfully told him.

"What? How'd you do that?" Eli asked in shock.

"A little secret weapon of mine I like to call…Mrs. Torres," Clare said, and Eli shot her a smirk at once, a sight that brought the biggest smile to her face. It had been so long since she had seen it, and she never wanted it to go away.

"Heard your play is a bit wordy…maybe I can help with that," Clare gently suggested.

"It's not your job to fix me. I have to fix myself," Eli said at once, picking up on her implication immediately.

Clare felt tears stinging her eyes as she nodded, "I know that, Eli. But…I want to…stand by you as…you do that," and Eli looked at her in surprise.

"Why would you want to do that?" he asked.

"Because…I love you, silly," Clare said as a tear fell down her face as well on Eli's.

"But…how can you love me after everything I did to you?" Eli asked, honestly wanting to know.

"Eli…I know now that…loving someone doesn't just mean being with them for the good parts. It means being with them through thick and thin, and I want to, Eli. I really want to," Clare confessed.

"Don't you?" she pursued, as she took his hand in hers again.

"But…I scare you," Eli hesitated. "I can't do this to you".

"You don't scare me. You…save me, and protect me, and encourage me, and help me find my voice, and _you do stand by me_…Eli…we can figure this out. It's not too late," Clare pointed out.

"I'm sorry about all those things I said to you when you first came in…I was just…" Eli struggled, before Clare filled in,

"Hurt?" and Eli nodded shamefully.

"Eli…you're allowed to feel like that. You don't always have to be one comforting me; you're allowed to feel hurt, and sad, and to talk to me about Julia without having me be so insensitive and jealous, and…you're allowed to come to me and tell me that you need me. I…want to be…your rock," Clare said, as she wiped some of the tears that had been forming on his face away as he gently nodded.

"Clare?" Eli asked, taking another deep laborious breath.

"Yes?" she encouraged him.

"I'm sorry…about everything I put you through. Now…I even made you come to the hospital in a panic. Again," Eli said, and Clare could detect the guilt in his voice.

"I wanted to, Eli…oh God, when I heard," Clare said, and all the tears she had been holding back just rushed out of her eyes as Eli pulled her towards the bed, and she said,

"No…no…I'll hurt you," but Eli just shot her a little smirk and said, "Come here, Edwards," and Clare couldn't help but smile tearfully and listen at once. She felt herself instantly relax when she was overcome by Eli's scent as she buried her face in his neck and tightly clung to his hospital robe, moving to hear his heartbeat because she needed it more than anything right now as she snuggled against his body.

"Eli…why did this have to happen to you?" Clare whined softly as she gently pushed his bangs back and continued running her fingers through his hair. "You were almost stabbed, and then you were in a really bad car crash that hurt your leg, and now you got shot!" Clare said, outrage in her tone.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay, I'm fine, nothing's wrong," Eli soothed her as he ran his hand up and down her arm and pushed her curls out of her face, placing them neatly behind her ear.

"It's _not_ okay, it's not all right that these horrible things keep happening to you," Clare pointed out.

Eli exhaled before saying, "Well, two of those things were caused by own stupidity – either directly or indirectly," and Clare just gripped his robe tighter.

"Fitz was guilty too. Really guilty. _You_ never would have pulled a knife on him," and upon hearing each other utter such different perspectives, both Clare and Eli really realized that something had changed in all their time apart. They had each…developed a better sense of perspective.

"It's okay, Clare, it's okay – I'm right here," Eli gently repeated, drawing her face closer and wiping away her tears, as he played with her, "I'm like a smooth cat – I have nine lives," and although Clare was really happy to see able to recapture his sense of humour that she loved so much, she pointed out,

"I don't want us to test out the remaining six possibilities, Eli. Ever," in a strict tone.

"Me either," Eli replied, "But…Clare…believe me when I tell you that I wasn't wandering the street looking to get shot. I…don't want to die, I know what the rumours say about me, but…I don't want to die. Tonight…just like the weirdo that I am, I wandered onto a crime scene, lost in my own thoughts and music. But that guy…Clare, I don't know who he was, but…he was serious. He was going to do it. I could tell by the look in his eye. He would have shot Drew in a heartbeat, I knew it. I sent an emergency text to 911 and waited as long as I could, but…he was taking his belt off and touching Bianca as she trembled in fear…what was I supposed to do, stand there and watch? Do nothing? I couldn't, I had to do something," Eli explained.

"I know, Eli, I know. I know you didn't do this on purpose. You're a great guy, Eli, and a wonderful person. You're intelligent, and funny, and caring. So caring. I just…hate that this happened to you. Why can't you catch a break…ever?" Clare whined.

"Shh…Shh, Clare, it's okay, I'm fine. I'm better than fine right now, actually, with you in my arms. This is…the best I've felt in a long _long_ time, actually. We're fine," Eli emphatically told her as he wrapped his arms around her, taking care to keep all of the tubes off of her body, and he patted her curls down, ran his fingers through them, and gently rocked her, even kissing her curls in a bold moment.

"I got you," he softly kept repeating to her, and Clare's heart swelled at how regardless of everything that he had been though tonight, _he_ was still the one comforting _her_.

"Eli…are you…do you…like Imogen?" Clare asked, needing to know.

She felt Eli sigh and he said, "Of course not. I was just always around her because she plays the lead girl in my play. And…it did mess a little with my head once, I kind of saw her as the…real lead girl, and I think she caught on and tried to kiss me, but I pulled away before I did something I regretted. And she freaking stole my anxiety pills – who does that, that's so weird," Eli added and Clare couldn't help but chuckle at his outrage.

"But you never take them," she told him.

"Ugh, like I need _another_ problem – getting hopped up on those," Eli said with a smirk and Clare burrowed her body deeper into his, and as Eli drew her even closer, she knew she wasn't hurting him.

"Eli…who is the leading lady in your play? Like, is she…drawn from somebody real?" Clare asked, the little bit of plotline that she had overheard from Imogen ringing in her mind.

"Oh, Clare…it's you. Of course it's you. You're the only leading lady in my life," Eli told Clare as he locked his gaze with hers and was mesmerized by her blue eyes all over again.

"I think we…should change the ending then…Eli…I want us to find trust again," Clare softly told him. "Do you think we can?" she asked.

"I…know we can. You can help me make the play less wordy…and I would love it if we could…change our ending. We'll need to work at this every day but…I love you, Clare. I never stopped. I love you so much," Eli finally admitted, and he felt Clare bring his hand to her mouth and kiss each of his fingers gently before she declared, "I love you too, and I never stopped either".

"We can find trust again," Eli repeated, adding, "You're my best friend. I only want to treat you right from now on," he confessed, and he felt Clare intertwine the fingers of their right hand together, as she said,

"You're my best friend, too, Eli. I only want to stand by you the way you have wonderfully stood by me – I mean to, you know," Clare said as she saw Eli flash her a wide smirk and as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, she…finally felt okay again. She found Clare again, and the patience and tenderness and gentleness of Eli's kiss told her that not only did they have all the time in the world to be together, figure everything out with patience and trust and help each other, but that...Eli also found himself again.

After all, it was Friday night. Friday night found itself again as well.


End file.
